Saturday, December 29, 2012
12 & 13 Weeks Pregnant
So, my 12th & 13th weeks were some of the easiest so far, but somehow I never got around to writing about them...maybe because it was my mornings that were great, and my evenings were pretty awful, not every evening, but a lot of them.
My constipation disappeared too. I didn't even do much differently, although it came around a time that I started eating less vegetables (I was eating salads every day and suddenly they stopped agreeing with me). I'm still eating lots of Macintosh apples, though. I had a couple of days (mornings) where I felt so good that I ate a couple of normal things. On the Saturday before Christmas we all went shopping and I felt so good that morning that I ran around the house doing lots and lots of chores. On Christmas Eve, I was also feeling fantastically most of the day. I cleaned dishes, swept and mopped the kitchen (woah!) and baked three dishes--cookies, coffee cake, and meatloaf. However, my indigestion (I'm not sure even if that's what it is, but it's a queasiness that seems to be an excess of sweetish acid in my stomach) is heightened by grains and sugars and stuff--the food that most people eat all the time-- so I discovered that if I stick to apples and protein (meatloaf and omelets and cheese) my stomach feels pretty good. I also discovered that spearmint leaf candy and these weird strawberry laces candy that I found at the Mennonite store seem to quell the acidy feeling I get 10-30 minutes after eating.
Overall, though, everything is getting better. I have seemed to continue a pattern of throwing up about once a week, but overall I'm not too nauseated. Queasy, yes. Not nauseated. The queasy feeling is awful, though. It's not that I'm feeling HORRIBLY, but I'm just uncomfortable enough not to be able to be myself most of the time. Blah. I just want it all to go away. I just want to feel better, or find some medicine that helps things. I'm thinking once the holiday ends and my midwife is back in her office (I don't even know if she took a vacation, actually) I'll ask her if we can try a different type of medicine. I mean, I could try the Zantac again--it was a huge success with Bunny's pregnancy, but since I vomited so much on this one I'm afraid to try it. Actually, I'm afraid to change much since it's only my meds that are keeping me from experiencing HG again. I mean, I guess I'm still "experiencing" it, but I'm no longer vomiting in copious amounts. Even on the meds, though, I've felt deathly ill until week 12 and 13. And now I just feel slightly to moderately miserable. I'm just praying that soon, very soon, I'll be over this part and to the glowing part. I mean, I was sick in some capacity all 9 months with Noelle, but I remember glowing, happy times too. I remember gaining back the capacity to clean my house on a regular basis, and to teach without gagging. I remember happy moments amidst the miserability that is pregnancy. I'm just praying and hoping they come back with this one (and I'm trying very hard to have a good and accepting attitude about it since I did beg God for this child even though I knew that I might experience awful morning sickness again.
Today, for the first time, I am pleased to say that I did not take Zofran this morning and I'm feeling just as well without it as I did with it on all the days prior. I guess that's a good thing. Zofran doesn't take away the queasy feeling, but the sudden need to vomit and do it now disappears with it unless I've eaten something that my body really doesn't want to digest, in which case, I'll vomit anyway.
I believe I first felt the baby move at 9-10 weeks (and I'm sure I wrote about it here too), but I'm feeling him/her more and more and finally having a handful of moments where I feel I'm bonding with the human inside of me. I feel the baby between 0-3 times a day and it's always, "Was that really the baby or just gas?" I mean, I can usually differentiate the two based upon where I feel the stirrings, but still, s/he's so small that those movements are hard to distinguish. I keep praying to feel it move because it will be February until my next midwife appointment and that's a long time until I can hear the heartbeat and feel signs of life again. Besides, on days when I have long spans of time without morning sickness, there's nothing much to let me know that my baby is still living. Maybe I'm crazy but I just get worried that he or she has stopped living--that I've done something to hurt him/her. Dave says I worry too much and he's right and honestly I'm not nearly as worried as I would be with Bunny--there would be days I'd be worried to tears with her. It's just, maybe this is selfish, but I've been through such an awful ordeal so far, and ticked so many weeks off my "time" that I can't bear to miscarry at this point and have to start it all over again. It's more than that, of course. I think any woman, no matter how much she's attached herself to her unborn baby, loves that baby with the fierce maternal instinct that God placed inside her. I mean, we've already discussed names and nursery plans and future Christmases and family portraits with our new baby in mind. I didn't come this far not to be able to hold him in my arms.
Bunny is doing much better. Can't say the same about my parenting skills, though they are improving somewhat as my overall feeling improves. We've had more moments where I've been able to play with her--barbies, card games, dress-up, painting--and I'm so grateful for that. But when I'm feeling especially poorly, I have so little patience for her and I spend so much time apologizing for being grumpy or short with her. I don't know how much of that she can comprehend. But she has adjusted to things as they are. She has been so kind, selfless, and caring. She's been more obedient when I ask her to put her toys away or go pee on the potty. She's always a joy, even when she's a booger, but these past couple of weeks, she's really adjusted to things. One of my sisters asked me if I was feeling better and Bunny chimed in quickly and incredulously, "No, she's not feeling better because she still has a baby in her tummy!" My little precious. What would I do without her sweetness to wrap around my heart? I don't know. She's my treasure. My princess. My life wouldn't be complete without her smiles, giggles, stories, and songs. I look at her so often and I wonder what her sibling will look like. It's nice to have an idea this time. With the first one, you don't really know how he or she is going to come out and who they're going to favor. With the second one, at least you get an idea. I cant imagine how much I'll love TWO little adorable people.
I don't know what else to say. This was supposed to be a more uplifting post about how things are looking up but at the moment I'm feeling queasy and frustrated so it didn't turn out that way. They are looking up, though. I guess what frustrates me is that I just want to be normal now and I still have such a long way to go. July is so far away still...