Almost there, almost there (and when I say that, I mean almost to the end of the morning sickness, not the pregnancy )
This week was characterized by a shift in the morning sickness. There were moments--mornings especially where I felt even more human than normal. It wasn't all day, it wasn't every day, but it was enough to help me see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I also made the amazing discovery that spearmint leaf candy is a wonderful cure for indigestion. They work better than tums for me, and I got official permission from my midwife to use them any time I need to.
I still feel little stirrings that I'm sure are the baby. I can't say they're more often than before, but I feel them every day or every couple of days. I know this is so early for this but I also know what I'm feeling.
I wake up in the mornings feeling slightly better than I did the previous weeks and every day so far this week I've just taken the Protonix (for acid) and I've tried to avoid the Zofran (for nausea) because it's so expensive (and we get the generic brand so it's only $67 for 15 pills, down from $1,000 for the same amount of brand name) but so far, I'm always driven to have to take it. The most important thing for me is to keep things down. The Zofran helps me keep down the Protonix which helps my stomach to be welcoming enough to food that everything stays down more permanently. Then of course, there's the colace I have to keep taking since I'm still ridiculously constipated despite reason and the prenatal vitamins. I'm almost done with the suppositories, though. I feel torn about that because I'm half afraid that the bleeding will come back without them.
I finally got to hear the hearbeat this week. I have an anterior cervix which means my uterus leans back (my chiropractor told me that with Bunny and my OB doctors told me he was crazy but my midwife confirmed it which just confirmed my belief that medical doctors aren't always all there). This means that a heartbeat is more difficult to find. With Bunny, when I went to the OBGYN, they always looked for the heartbeat, gave up and pulled out the little ultrasound machine. But my midwife doesn't seem to have one in her office and she was much more persistent in looking for the heartbeat. I was so afraid there wouldn't be one because for 11 weeks, the only confirmation I've gotten was the pregnancy test. Come to think of it, I did the hospital blood tests a few weeks ago, but I didn't have any calls about them or anything so I didn't really know more than the pregnancy test. But after about a minute of searching, it was there, strong and fast at 174 beats per minute. I started tearing up immediately but then I didn't want to cry in front of the midwife or my daughter so I stopped myself. It was the most beautiful sound I could have ever heard and just the confirmation I needed to be able to focus mentally on more than my extreme sickness.
My midwife also told me that I'm probably slightly dehydrated and that it seems that my body hasn't fully been able to recover from what it's been going through. She said that this is evidenced by my cloudy pee and by a slightly elevated temperature. It's frustrating because drinking too much causes indigestion to flare up which threatens to make me vomit and lose any moisture I previously had. Also, the persistent AWFUL taste in my mouth makes drinking water (which I normally love) a horrible experience. But today I've worked really hard to drink lots and I've actually been peeing frequently and my urine is coming out closer to clear than to a deep yellow, which is a good sign. But today, my nausea is slightly abated from a 9 to a 7 or so which makes keeping water down much easier. Everything is a double edged sword in this pregnancy. Everything.
Noelle has had some heartbreaking moments, let me tell you. On Tuesday I was feeling particularly well and got to spend more time with her and more time getting house chores done (so my exhausted husband would be able to just come home and rest) and she took it as a chance to act out. Bunny has her moments, but over all she is a sweet, loving, and very considerate child. But Tuesday she was having dramatic episodes of running away from me weeping and then throwing herself into dark corners of the house like her bed, my bed, or under the kitchen table and not letting me talk to her. I followed after her each time holding her and talking to her and she'd pull away and do it again. It usually came after I'd asked her not to touch the Christmas tree or to please pick up the orange peel she'd just thrown on the living room floor. She didn't want to obey me which would lead to me threatening timeout which would lead to her dramatic exit from my presence. Finally, I stopped talking and I just rubbed her hair and sat with her. It seemed to help a bit. Then later, I was in the kitchen doing the dishes and she was peeling her orange (she loves to peel oranges, currently) and she suddenly said quite dramatically, "I will NEVER be the same. I will NEVER be the same!" and she threw her head to the one side with the saddest, most forlorn expression I'd never seen.
"Why is that?" I asked?
"Because you never hold me when you're sick!" (Poor baby's right. My mommy guilt is intensified with this statement but there's nothing I can do about it when I can't even peel myself off up the couch)
"Well, I can hold you now. Do you need me to hold you?"
"Yeah, for a little bit." I wanted to tell her that things would go back to normal but I knew I couldn't. She was right. So I told her that when the baby came there would also be times that the baby would need to be held and that I wouldn't be able to hold her but it didn't change how much I loved her or how much I wanted to hold her. I told her that changes usually bring good things. It's okay never to be the same because she would like the way things would change eventually. I don't know how much got through to her. She's still insanely excited about the new baby, but also struggling lots and lots with the immediate changes in her life. Now granted, I'm thinking that some of this might be because she's three which makes me feel better. At least, that's what fellow parents of three year olds have assured me.
On another note, I get to have my first ultrasound! My midwife thinks it's a good idea to check for twins when someone is as sick as I am. Honestly, I'd be happy either way, twins or not. I did pray for twins, but I also know that having one would be easier so I'm happy with whatever God thinks I can handle. What I'm most excited about is a chance to see my baby. If hearing the heartbeat is amazing, then seeing a baby, in my opinion, is so much more so. I'm so, very happy about that!
One more thing--with hearing the heartbeat, my extremely extroverted self was finally able to post the news on facebook! I did so with this picture, but then I followed it up with uploading my belly pictures which most people saw first. Oh well. I tried.